covet

Happy Fall!

It's autumn! Rainy, leaf crunching, pumpkin picking, apple cider-ing, Halloween-y autumn. How I've missed her (and the cold weather to come making hot, humid days at the lakefront a little more bearable). Classes are going well -- I got A's on my last two quizzes and I'm looking forward to working on my English project Thursday with my group.

This morning sucked, however. I woke up late and busted my butt to get down to Milwaukee. I nearly missed the shuttle to school and I still ended up to my (one) class five minutes late! The worst part was after all that work, class was canceled anyway. My teacher made a brief summary of what we should do for homework and Thursday and then I left. What a waste! At least my drive is pretty.

That's alright though, I got to come home an hour early and watch Nancy Drew (which was surprisingly not horrible). The fashions were really cute and I loved Emma Roberts (she makes a great little perfectionist). But I must say that her hairstyle and age was a little off.

Mrs. Sparks will let me know about the after school writing center I volunteered for -- I'm tired already from it, but it will look good on my resume, especially for graduate school. My first semester and already I'm thinking about the next three years. Life is tiring.

Where I'm From

I'm from TV and a close knit family;
A big city;
A cold month.
I'm from my mother and my father;
My older brother;
A bird, two dogs, and four cats.
I'm from suburbia;
The midwest;
The United States -- fallen from grace.
I'm from the middle class;
The working stiffs;
The almost-college educated.
I'm from our society of;
Democrats, Lutherans;
Conformists.
And I am the by-product of where I'm from.

The worst part is over

Daunted by the prospect of college, I called a new therapist into action. I try to remain calm and happy, but seemingly everything causes stress and anxiety. I'm in constant pain from imaginary fears and dread. I hate going to work and I feel paranoid all the time that some ambiguous "bad" will happen. I stay up all night (which I know does not help) because I'm afraid for the day to end. I try listening to my favorite music, watch my favorite movies and TV shows, and I try to stay active even though all I want to do is stay home and cry. I miss my mom, but neither of us are going anywhere. I dread sleeping alone. I'm empty, alone, panicked, and depressed. Even worse, I know how irrational my feelings are, but they still don't seem to change. I just want this new adjustment period to end. I want my emotions under control, and I want my anxiety to disappear. I want to sleep all day and never wake up.

This summer isn't hot enough! I'm in so much anticipation for college -- and since I'm not into parties, all of my excitement goes straight to my courses. Although I dread every day how I will ever make a decision on my future. Med school? Law school? Social work? Education? Nursing? Way too many options.

I can't believe how far I've come. It seems as though only last week I dreamed of becoming one of those shiny, perfect hipsters I've read about on LiveJournal. Now I'm one of them. Truthfully though, I'm 18 and it feels so peculiar to be standing on the threshold of college; moreover adulthood, and now -- during a warm midsummer night -- I realize how thankful I am for all the people, ideas, and media that shaped me into the person I am today.

I'm excited for college! After browsing the catalog of available classes, I look forward to an exciting new year of learning. (Especially since AP scores are in and I did surprisingly well)

Today, like yesterday

Today was magnificent! I slept in the basement because our A/C is broken and it was 93 and humid all night and day. Luckily I made plans with Ben so I didn't need to sit around the house all day and bake. As usual we drove down to Milwaukee and shopped at Urban Outfitters, Yellow Jacket, Dragonfly, and Anthropologie. Our original plans consisted of Alterra on the lake and sitting out on the beach, but it was late and we were hot so we adjourned to my house to swim in my pool.

I bought two raffia hats; one sun hat and one fedora. We had an AMAZING lunch at Beans and Barley and I annoyed Benny about falling in love with his awkward brother. I love summer.

I'm also in love with Bon Iver. I wish I went to Eau Claire just because that's where Justin Vernon is from.

Working at the library has inspired me with so many great books! I'm looking forward to reading the Sylvia Plath journals and her poetry books.